The story behind the story #1 – Patients is a Virtue
They say write about what you know, and I do that to some extent, although the majority of my stories are courtesy of my over-active imagination, rather than personal experience. So I thought I’d try something new and tell you about which aspects of my steamy books have stemmed from my own real-life experience. So, here we go, kicking off with ‘Patients is a Virtue’.
I have to admit that ‘Patients is a Virtue’ is one of my favourites. A really slow burn, it tells the tale of thirty-year old Olivia who, for one reason or another, has remained a virgin and fears forever being alone. In order to try and resolve the issues she’s experiencing, she visits a sex therapist, Ben, and a mutual attraction gradually develops into more. The plot might sound a bit iffy, but as one Amazon reviewer said:
“Virgin seeks help from sex therapist to overcome her sexual hangups. This book could have been really trashy, but it was actually quite a lovely love story.”
So, which parts of this story are personal to my life experiences?
- Seeing a therapist. Although I haven’t seen a sex therapist, I have seen a run-of-the-mill therapist to talk through some worries I was having just after I gave birth. It sounds a bit stupid now but at the time I couldn’t get past this recurring fear I kept having about dying and leaving my new-born without a mother. It was as though after years of thinking and acting like I was pretty much invincible, my own life suddenly took on a far greater importance. My therapist was seriously helpful in assisting me to move on from that, even though I found re-living some of the experiences I shared pretty tough and emotional. Being naturally private, opening up to a stranger isn’t the easiest thing for me to do. I remember feeling pretty stressed and red-faced at times as the pressure I was under showed physically, but in the end, for me it was a strangely cathartic experience.
- A fear of childbirth. This is a big one for me, which probably helped create the entire plot for this book in my head. Just like Olivia, I went to a strict, all-girls school. To this day, I remember being shown what felt like a gruesome video of childbirth at a young age. It pretty much put me off the opposite sex for years – probably exactly what the school intended! A later memory is just as Olivia described; a sleepover party at a friend’s home, where a video of a couple having sex was played late at night. Although the video I saw was of a couple rolling around on a beach, the impact on me was just the same – confusion, mixed in with a little bit of fascinated horror. I might add, I was an incredibly innocent teen, interested in horses and little else. Although my school only managed to put me off having sex until I was 17, my fear of childbirth remained strong throughout my adult life. When I finally became pregnant (after only a month of trying), I was 39. And although I was thrilled at the rather shocking news that it could actually happen that fast, I can’t underplay the fear that immediately accompanied those feelings of joy and, at times, smothered them.
- Being overwhelmed by sexual attraction. Thanks to her huge lack of experience with men and the mind numbing crush she has on her doctor, Olivia rarely acts as naturally as she’d like. This is something I certainly know about, particularly in my younger years. To be confronted with a guy you desire absolutely, who is beyond sexy. The physical responses can be quite overwhelming;
– shortness of breath
– fuzzy head
– stuttering because you’re unable to find the right words
– and a complete inability to make eye contact.
And then the killer one for me is my cheeks and neck flushing red with desire…and the redder I get, the more embarrassed I feel….and the redder I get….the more embarrassed I feel! It’s a vicious circle and you just end up wanting to RUN AWAY! And that can all happen before the guy in question has even opened his mouth to say hi. God, admitting that to you now makes me sound like a completely hopeless case!
- Losing my Virginity (I had an urge to write Religion then!). Although I was not a virgin at 30, having lost my own virginity at 17, I do of course remember what it felt like to be a virgin. Fortunately, I was with somebody who vaguely knew what he was doing (although only vaguely!), but still I remember the uncertainty, an element of awkwardness, the exhilaration, the worry, the guilt! We were at his parents house, in his room on his tiny single bed. He was on top, and I definitely remember receiving instruction that I needed to raise my legs more and wrap them around his back, which I very gingerly did. We’d been going out for some time, so there was a certain level of trust between us, but still, my overwhelming memory was one of being uncertain and unsure, not least because his parents or very nosy sister could have arrived back home at any time! Unlike Olivia’s first time in the hands of the delectable Doctor Ben, I have no memory of my first time being particularly pleasurable. Alas, it was certainly nothing like this:
‘Open your eyes,’ instructed Ben, as he reached into his bag for a condom, which he rolled on in a practiced way. ‘This is definitely something you’ll want to face full on.’
Olivia’s eyes immediately re-opened.
‘Thank you,’ she said, her voice noticeably shuddering.
‘For what?’ he smiled tenderly down at her, as he positioned his cock in the optimal location.
‘For looking after me.’ Ben knew she was referring to the condom. In her susceptible state, it was something she might easily have overlooked.
‘Of course,’ he replied. ‘Lift your legs slightly higher,’ he instructed gently, knowing that his entry would be eased if she was in the ideal position. ‘A bit higher. Mmmm, perfect,’ he murmured encouragingly, able to feel Olivia’s body clamping tightly against him.
‘I need you to remember three things,’ smiled Ben, swiping his cock through her dripping pussy, making her flinch with desire.
‘What?’ she smiled, despite extreme nervousness.
‘One, this shouldn’t hurt,’ he stated simply. ‘If it does, you tell me without delay. Two, we are going to go really, really slow.’
‘Remind me why,’ she growled, twisting her hips to writhe against the sensation of Ben’s solid cock.
‘To relax you, to tease you and to draw out our pleasure,’ he said simply.
‘And the third thing?’ she purred, pushing down, in a desperate attempt to encourage him to enter her.
‘The third thing is the most important,’ he said seriously. ‘Never forget how crazy I am about you.’
‘You are?’ she queried with disbelief.
‘I am,’ he confirmed, catching her gaze and holding onto it tightly. With incredible care, Ben moved forward very slightly, allowing the thick head of his cock to spread her lips further. Holding himself stationary, there he waited, tenderly kissing Olivia’s neck, until he felt her clamped muscles relax.
‘Good girl,’ he breathed. Sliding forward another inch, Olivia inhaled sharply beneath him, gazing up in utter disbelief.
‘Oh God! You feel enormous!’ she stuttered. Having waited until he felt her relax once more, Ben arched his hips to feed her another inch, willingly giving her more of his length, stretching her open wide.
‘The head is completely inside you now,’ he groaned, almost helpless in the grip of her tight, hot pussy. It was such a big ask, to keep pausing, when all he wanted to do was drive himself forwards, right to the very hilt.
Slowly and carefully, they continued in this way, until a groaning Olivia was filled to absolute capacity. At that point, Ben took a deep breath to centre himself.
‘You’ve got all of me,’ he acknowledged quietly. In more ways than one, he noted silently to himself. Olivia could only grunt in response; speaking was not an option at the present time.
Controlling the pace and depth carefully, Ben began to gently rock his hips, allowing Olivia to get used to the new set of sensations. Dropping his mouth to hers, he kissed her. Tenderly at first, their coupling rapidly escalated into an unrestrained tussle, as each demanded more from the other. And yet, despite this, Ben never swayed from his slow, measured motion. At last, Olivia growled in frustration.
‘I want more,’ she groaned.
On the next inward stroke, Ben held himself deep, before grinding his pelvis gently against her.
‘Oh fuck!’ she gasped, as a delectable pressure built within her abdomen and she could feel her muscles involuntarily clenching. ‘What the hell are you doing to me?’
‘You wanted more,’ he explained. Gazing deep into Olivia’s eyes, Ben lowered his mouth back to hers, kissing her on and on, as the pleasure built between them. Repositioning herself, Olivia allowed her legs to climb higher up Ben’s waist, effectively opening herself further to him. With a groan of satisfaction, Ben set up a mind-blowing rhythm, moving naturally inside her, whereby his tongue and cock retracted at the same time and then surged forwards at the same time. His rhythm and fluidity of movement, demonstrated earlier on the dance floor, obviously translated directly into the bedroom. Interspersed with some combined hip grinding, as she grew in confidence, Olivia was in heaven. It felt as though, in that moment, nothing existed in all eternity, except them.
‘Mmmm, you’re a natural,’ praised Ben, boosting her confidence still further.
Suddenly, Olivia’s body began to judder lightly. In surprise, she broke their kiss, her shocked eyes staring questioningly at Ben.
‘Are you gonna come for me, baby?’ he asked throatily.
‘I…you,’ she gasped, as the shuddering became worse and her fingers dug into his shoulders for support.
‘You’ll need me to fuck you a little harder, then?’ he murmured, flashing her a wicked grin.
‘Patients is a Virtue’ is available from Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.com.au and Amazon.ca. It can either be purchased, or read via a Kindle Unlimited subscription. Here are the links to sign up to a free 30-day Kindle Unlimited trial on Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com.
The latest news from Fenella Ashworth can be found at http://www.fenellaashworth.com.
Fenella is a British author of contemporary erotic romance for 18+. All of her stories are available from Amazon and Kindle Unlimited. Her most popular books are ‘One Hot Wynter’s Night’, ‘To Love, Honour and…Oh Pay’ and the Daniel Lawson Series.